Tag: postpartum
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Fight or flight
I have lived in fight or flight for what seems like an eternity. Caused by a series of traumatic (to me) events and maintained by behavioral patterns and external situations. I’ve either been fighting to avoid my former self or fleeing to get away from what was triggering my current self. In turbulent times, I…
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Unruly roommate
I preach patience while pushing myself to the brink of snapping. I preach deep breaths as I hold mine in, afraid to release. I preach acceptance while begging myself to change. I preach unconditional love while only loving myself under certain conditions. I preach movement while remaining stagnant. I preach peace but I’m at war…
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Life cycles (part 2)
Death is normalized in our family, and not because I intended it to be that way, but because nature intended it to be that way. While I was pregnant I was unsure of how to properly address the concept of death with a small child. My brain wanted to make a very big deal out…
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House on fire
I drove past a burning house last night. A blue house that was smothered in flames. The outside still maintained structure while the guts of the house were being eaten alive. I felt my heart drop as I put myself in that experience. I imagined myself watching after years and years of accumulated memories dissolved.…
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10 reminders
The trauma response that the body reacts to and holds onto is sometimes very different than what the mind perceives to be “traumatic”. You and I can go through the same experience and walk away with completely different emotions. We can read the same article and have two individual opinions on the information presented. Your…
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Variations
Your body is allowed to change. Your body is allowed to fluctuate. Your body is allowed to ebb and flow. You are not expected to look the same as you get older Your body is allowed to change. You can change your mind on the clothes you want to wear or the personal decisions you…
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New growth
Here I am. In a place that I dread coming to, in clothes that hide the slump in my spine, with fingers that are bloody, picked apart, and chewed open. Here I am. In a place that I know all too well, a place that used to scare me, and sometimes it still scares me…
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48 months
My daughter is turning 4 in three weeks. That’s four years learning each other after 9 months of connection. And that’s four years of unlearning behavior patterns to create new pathways together. It’s been almost 48 months of navigating uncharted territory together in a really overwhelming time for our society. She has no sense of…
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Deception
Waves of words crash onto the shower breaking up the flow of thought. I’ve kept so much inside that I cannot choose a path to walk down, I feel overwhelmed. Over the years, trauma and fear have built up these stories that are fine tuned with guilt and instead of sharing that truth, I chose…
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Weight of society
Shout out to all moms out there. Whether you’re about to give birth, have just given birth, or have given birth at some point in your life, you are a fucking warrior. Your body did the most sacred, selfless duty that required so damn much of your will power and surrender. Not only did you…
The Sacred Body 