Tag: pregnancy
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Life after birth
When people talk about their birth story occasionally you’ll hear a resentful tone in their voice. They might speak of their labor being too long, or maybe there were too many interventions for their liking, or it was too painful, or the epidural didn’t take, or the Pitocin made it too intense, and the list…
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My daughters birthday
Throughout the pregnancy, I swore she was going to come earlier than her guess date of September 6. Clearly this was just what I wanted since I had no actual way of knowing that. The closer that day came, the more the anticipation grew. Almost to the point of becoming disappointed that I was so…
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Weaning
Postpartum – It literally translates to “following childbirth”, which means postpartum never ends. After I gave birth I experienced a range of emotions, anxieties, and turbulence. Mostly because of the transition into motherhood but also because of a rocky relationship and no solid foundation. All of which came together and created some really choppy waves…
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First latch
She latched with hardly any help that morning she was put on my chest, almost as if she entered this world with a mission to find momma’s milk. Everyday we had our time together. That moment where I turn to her to empty my breasts and she turns to me looking for food. We got…
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Unbecoming
When you look into the eyes of a laboring woman, it’s hard to recognize the woman you once knew. There’s an absent gaze of desperation that comes in the middle of a contraction. With that you know the woman is traveling in between realms, bouncing from reality into laborland and back again. She’s fearful, hopeful,…
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Selfish comfort
She hit her head really hard the other day and I was reminded of those intrusive postpartum thoughts that were oh so very present in the fresh weeks/months after birth. The thoughts that reminded me of how fragile life is and how little I trust myself to keep her alive. When she was an infant,…
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Fight or flight
I have lived in fight or flight for what seems like an eternity. Caused by a series of traumatic (to me) events and maintained by behavioral patterns and external situations. I’ve either been fighting to avoid my former self or fleeing to get away from what was triggering my current self. In turbulent times, I…
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48 months
My daughter is turning 4 in three weeks. That’s four years learning each other after 9 months of connection. And that’s four years of unlearning behavior patterns to create new pathways together. It’s been almost 48 months of navigating uncharted territory together in a really overwhelming time for our society. She has no sense of…
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Deception
Waves of words crash onto the shower breaking up the flow of thought. I’ve kept so much inside that I cannot choose a path to walk down, I feel overwhelmed. Over the years, trauma and fear have built up these stories that are fine tuned with guilt and instead of sharing that truth, I chose…
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Weight of society
Shout out to all moms out there. Whether you’re about to give birth, have just given birth, or have given birth at some point in your life, you are a fucking warrior. Your body did the most sacred, selfless duty that required so damn much of your will power and surrender. Not only did you…
The Sacred Body 