Tag: pregnancy
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In flight
I’ve been on the run for a while and during most of that time I used anything outside of myself as a scapegoat for why I was running. I’d place the blame on the aftermath of a “broken” family unit or the relentless Florida heat, and made many attempts to move out of the sunshine…
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Progression
It’s been a full month since I’ve started taking medication for ADHD and I have so much to say: Being numb is not better than feeling sad or disappointed. I forgot how much I enjoyed life. I forgot how much I enjoyed having neat and decluttered surroundings. I didn’t realize the depth of darkness I…
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Depth of feeling
Growth feels like a splash of cold water running down your spine, a flailing ego that refuses to be quiet, a door slammed in your face, and thoughts that remain defiant. Growth feels like a soft smile that follows a deep sigh, a warm home-cooked meal, an intentional drop of your shoulders, and a moment…
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Angst
Dim lights, Strong voices, Vibrating electricity, Competing noises. Lip biting, Skin picking, Nail chewing, Anxiety tripping. I hear in color, And can see in sound. I feel in waves, The emotion compounds. Honing in on details, And processing words, Watching every expression, As my mind tries to learn. I feel so different, Sometimes left behind.…
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Fully weaned
Something that I have found to be true about motherhood is that I am never truly prepared for the next phase, whatever that may be. And that blows my mind because I am surrounded by other moms and people who have walked in these shoes before me but still I feel unprepared. As if the…
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Contrast
This year taught me all about duality- Love and hate, Light and dark, Surrender and power, Vulnerability and strength, Sickness and health, Peace and turmoil, Internal and external, Selfish and selfless, And releasing the old to welcome the new. I don’t think I have the words to truthfully convey how hard this year has been…
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Early quarantine days
*this was written in April of 2020* She won’t remember these days, but I will. The days of uncertainty that make me want to hold onto her a bit tighter. The days of being on top of each other which also makes me want space from her. The days when the collective mind is in…
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Negative attention
I used to starve myself. It began in 2008 when I was diagnosed with a handful of gastrointestinal issues. Doctors assumed I was bulimic because I often threw up the contents of my stomach as my entire body was having reactions to mostly everything that I was consuming. I was afraid to eat because I…
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Sit with it
In many ways, we’ve been brought up to quiet any talk or thoughts regarding the state of our own mental health. Emotions are labeled as good and bad. As kids we are often told that we are okay rather than asked. As adults we’ve formulated a robotic response of “I’m okay” when asked. If we…
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Alternative storytelling #15
Waves crash, words break, sunlight dances on my skin. Feelings pass, emotions shake, and I dive deep within. There are textures, sounds, stillness, and peace, and on the flip side, there is destruction. But here I sit, surrendering to all of it, as the ocean charms me with her seduction. *photos taken by me*
The Sacred Body 