Postpartum – It literally translates to “following childbirth”, which means postpartum never ends.
After I gave birth I experienced a range of emotions, anxieties, and turbulence. Mostly because of the transition into motherhood but also because of a rocky relationship and no solid foundation. All of which came together and created some really choppy waves for me to navigate.
I’d say it took about 9ish months for me to finally come out of the other side, to find a light of hope. And with that light came clarity of the work that had to be done as a new (single) mama, which was extremely hard to face.
Liana was always there.
She was by my side the entire time I felt like I had abandoned myself. She was smiling when I was doing the complete opposite. She was bringing out laughter that I didn’t know I could muster up. She comforted me as I did my best to comfort her.
And OUR biggest comfort was breastfeeding.
It came easy to the both of us and forced us both to slow down, connect, feel, and surrender.
When she(we) felt overwhelmed, we found a quiet space to nurse and adjust.
When she(we) were sad or hurt or tired or uneasy, we sat together and held each other close.
When she(we) were excited and happy, we reflected on the moment together.
Some might call it a crutch, but I think it was more of a therapeutic necessity for us both.
And none of that is to say that it wasn’t hard. I was constantly touched out and hungry and exhausted, sometimes I even wished that I could just turn it off, cold turkey style. But I held on, because she was holding on and that meant something to me.
Now, as of May 2021, it’s been almost 31 months of our journey and I can officially say that we are done. I am both happy and sad, really I’m feeling ALL of it; the guilt, the feeling of accomplishment, the fear, the hormonal shift, the joy of having my body back to myself.
And then I think back to the word postpartum and it feels like I’m in those early days all over again. Like the umbilical cord has just recently been cut and we are both readjusting to this world as separate individuals, no longer physically connected.
This is motherhood.
This is postpartum.
This is another rebirth
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