Category: 2022
-
Selfish comfort
She hit her head really hard the other day and I was reminded of those intrusive postpartum thoughts that were oh so very present in the fresh weeks/months after birth. The thoughts that reminded me of how fragile life is and how little I trust myself to keep her alive. When she was an infant,…
-
More than a mother
The other day I went into my old place of work to get some groceries. It was my first time in there without Liana in tow because I had just come from a yoga class after a week of illness. I was proud of myself for making it to class, relieved to have some alone…
-
Fight or flight
I have lived in fight or flight for what seems like an eternity. Caused by a series of traumatic (to me) events and maintained by behavioral patterns and external situations. I’ve either been fighting to avoid my former self or fleeing to get away from what was triggering my current self. In turbulent times, I…
-
Life cycles (part 2)
Death is normalized in our family, and not because I intended it to be that way, but because nature intended it to be that way. While I was pregnant I was unsure of how to properly address the concept of death with a small child. My brain wanted to make a very big deal out…
-
Life cycles (part 1)
A guest found me right around noon that day. She said, “One of the horses fell as they were walking out to the pasture.” I knew immediately. He was showing signs of deterioration and getting weaker by the day. Every time we discussed the idea of making the call for him, he’d perk back to…
-
Beautiful chaos
When we think of duality we usually think of light and dark, how one follows or compliments the other. But when you work on an animal rescue farm, not many people piece together how duality presents itself amongst the beautiful chaos. Working with animals who have been previously neglected, ignored, misplaced, dumped, and/or abused creates…
-
House on fire
I drove past a burning house last night. A blue house that was smothered in flames. The outside still maintained structure while the guts of the house were being eaten alive. I felt my heart drop as I put myself in that experience. I imagined myself watching after years and years of accumulated memories dissolved.…
-
Variations
Your body is allowed to change. Your body is allowed to fluctuate. Your body is allowed to ebb and flow. You are not expected to look the same as you get older Your body is allowed to change. You can change your mind on the clothes you want to wear or the personal decisions you…
-
48 months
My daughter is turning 4 in three weeks. That’s four years learning each other after 9 months of connection. And that’s four years of unlearning behavior patterns to create new pathways together. It’s been almost 48 months of navigating uncharted territory together in a really overwhelming time for our society. She has no sense of…
-
Introspection
I recently had a daydream about the experience of meeting myself again. It feels as if I’ve transcended through so many layers of self within the last 5 years without much time pause and regather. There are moments throughout the week where everything is still and I’m able to just be, but I immediately think…
The Sacred Body 