I recently had a daydream about the experience of meeting myself again. It feels as if I’ve transcended through so many layers of self within the last 5 years without much time pause and regather. There are moments throughout the week where everything is still and I’m able to just be, but I immediately think of the to-do list of what needs to be done or what I’d rather do with my free time. Because an hour or two here and there just don’t seem like a big enough time slot to dig in and do the dirty work.
So I push it off and hold it down and make an excuse or a date of when I’m going to turn inward.
I’ve avoided for too long now.
What was once my sanctuary now appears a daunting task. What was once a comforting yoga practice now feels like heavy work.
My practice has taken many shapes throughout my years yet it’s always remained deeply introspective and somewhat simple.
What I try to turn a blind eye to in my day to day, is what I often work through on the mat. It’s a space where I cannot run from myself, I cannot hide from myself, so ultimately I have to meet myself.
Pratyhara. The practice of withdrawing from the external world without completely losing contact with it.
That withdrawal has been challenging during these emotional, high anxiety times. There are days when I feel emotionally obligated to endlessly consume opinions, observations, articles, advertisements, all for the sake of staying in touch…. as if being mentally absorbed keeps you in the know.
I can feel my body holding onto tension, softening from lack of energetic movement, shying away from mirrors with insecurities that I keep ignoring.
But I can hear my heart begging to remain open and asking for dance, music, intuition, release, space to feel. Encouraging me to step onto the mat to meet myself each and every day.
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