Tag: 2022
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Unconditional
I find that when I try to reflect on my experience with love, it’s often shadowed by a lot of other emotions. You see, I don’t think humans know a love that dwells purely within itself. Love exists surrounded by desire, temptation, fear, abandonment, betrayal, acceptance, pain, joy, and mostly it resides deep within the…
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In flight
I’ve been on the run for a while and during most of that time I used anything outside of myself as a scapegoat for why I was running. I’d place the blame on the aftermath of a “broken” family unit or the relentless Florida heat, and made many attempts to move out of the sunshine…
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Progression
It’s been a full month since I’ve started taking medication for ADHD and I have so much to say: Being numb is not better than feeling sad or disappointed. I forgot how much I enjoyed life. I forgot how much I enjoyed having neat and decluttered surroundings. I didn’t realize the depth of darkness I…
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Depth of feeling
Growth feels like a splash of cold water running down your spine, a flailing ego that refuses to be quiet, a door slammed in your face, and thoughts that remain defiant. Growth feels like a soft smile that follows a deep sigh, a warm home-cooked meal, an intentional drop of your shoulders, and a moment…
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Angst
Dim lights, Strong voices, Vibrating electricity, Competing noises. Lip biting, Skin picking, Nail chewing, Anxiety tripping. I hear in color, And can see in sound. I feel in waves, The emotion compounds. Honing in on details, And processing words, Watching every expression, As my mind tries to learn. I feel so different, Sometimes left behind.…
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Settling in the truth
I’ve been peeling back layers of lifetimes to release unprocessed emotions. Trapped for a decade, it feels as if I’m going to combust. The walls begin to crack and I begin to open. The truth is raw, sharp, and uncomfortable. I am able to recognize how silenced I became and how my inability to speak…
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Your voice
Losing your voice feels like a slow death. The ability to defend yourself falls away and you become a pawn player for anyone around you. Pain replaces joy. Fear replaces love. Turmoil replaces trust. Compliance replaces empowerment. And you become silent. More often than not the voice in your head becomes louder when your audible…
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Fully weaned
Something that I have found to be true about motherhood is that I am never truly prepared for the next phase, whatever that may be. And that blows my mind because I am surrounded by other moms and people who have walked in these shoes before me but still I feel unprepared. As if the…
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Contrast
This year taught me all about duality- Love and hate, Light and dark, Surrender and power, Vulnerability and strength, Sickness and health, Peace and turmoil, Internal and external, Selfish and selfless, And releasing the old to welcome the new. I don’t think I have the words to truthfully convey how hard this year has been…
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Early quarantine days
*this was written in April of 2020* She won’t remember these days, but I will. The days of uncertainty that make me want to hold onto her a bit tighter. The days of being on top of each other which also makes me want space from her. The days when the collective mind is in…
The Sacred Body 