Tag: emotions
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Multifaceted
Learning how to love myself genuinely is proving to be one of the more challenging lessons I’ve been faced with. (And I mean love, not tolerate.) There’s a difference between looking at yourself in a mirror and truly seeing yourself for who you are, flaws and all. It’s easy to fall victim to the mindset…
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Limited language
There are times when I want to claw my skin off. Not necessarily to get rid of the skin that I wear but more so to release what I feel is trapped inside. I have found that words cannot properly express what it is that I’m trying to convey, and because of that I feel…
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Life after birth
When people talk about their birth story occasionally you’ll hear a resentful tone in their voice. They might speak of their labor being too long, or maybe there were too many interventions for their liking, or it was too painful, or the epidural didn’t take, or the Pitocin made it too intense, and the list…
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My daughters birthday
Throughout the pregnancy, I swore she was going to come earlier than her guess date of September 6. Clearly this was just what I wanted since I had no actual way of knowing that. The closer that day came, the more the anticipation grew. Almost to the point of becoming disappointed that I was so…
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First latch
She latched with hardly any help that morning she was put on my chest, almost as if she entered this world with a mission to find momma’s milk. Everyday we had our time together. That moment where I turn to her to empty my breasts and she turns to me looking for food. We got…
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Unbecoming
When you look into the eyes of a laboring woman, it’s hard to recognize the woman you once knew. There’s an absent gaze of desperation that comes in the middle of a contraction. With that you know the woman is traveling in between realms, bouncing from reality into laborland and back again. She’s fearful, hopeful,…
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Duality
There is a challenging duality that you face when you decide to be vulnerable. Whether it’s on your yoga mat, on the floor at home when you choose to meditate, when you’re opening up to someone, when you’re in a situation that requires you to strip it down and reveal your truth. With vulnerability comes…
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Selfish comfort
She hit her head really hard the other day and I was reminded of those intrusive postpartum thoughts that were oh so very present in the fresh weeks/months after birth. The thoughts that reminded me of how fragile life is and how little I trust myself to keep her alive. When she was an infant,…
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Fight or flight
I have lived in fight or flight for what seems like an eternity. Caused by a series of traumatic (to me) events and maintained by behavioral patterns and external situations. I’ve either been fighting to avoid my former self or fleeing to get away from what was triggering my current self. In turbulent times, I…
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Unruly roommate
I preach patience while pushing myself to the brink of snapping. I preach deep breaths as I hold mine in, afraid to release. I preach acceptance while begging myself to change. I preach unconditional love while only loving myself under certain conditions. I preach movement while remaining stagnant. I preach peace but I’m at war…
The Sacred Body 