Depression can linger behind a soft gaze, a sweet smile, a roaring laugh, and a gentle kiss. Depression can disguise itself as short breaths, nervous laughter, denial, and belly pains. Depression isn’t just sadness all the time or crying for no reason.
We have taught ourselves (and been taught) so many different ways to ignore or dismiss the signs that point to something so much deeper than what you might see on the surface. Some believe that to be depressed is to be over emotional, or dramatic. Some believe that depression is just an excuse. To call it what it is- depression is an illness and a mood disorder. And so many people deal with this illness on a daily basis, yet it still isn’t spoken about enough.
You can do everything from eating clean to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, however if you don’t approach it as a mental disease then it will just continue to consume your entire life. I’ve battled depression on and off for years, and have done my fair share of running from the truth of what I was dealing with.
Postpartum depression was most definitely the darkest of what I have known, in such a joyous time of birth and rebirth. On one hand I had this new being that just came earthside and on the other hand I was left to rebuild my own foundation with hardly any time to process the death of my former Self.
It felt as if I was stuck in a wave pool, constantly being pummeled as I tried to hard to breathe in between sets and on the side lines I could see my friends and family doing their best to cheer me on. And just like that I feel helpless, hopeless, drained, stupid, and emotionally wrecked as I struggled in front of the people who once believed I was so strong.
But I am strong.
I’m strong enough to pull myself out of the waves.
I’m strong enough to speak out and share what I go through.
I’m strong enough to feel weak.
And strong enough to ask for help.
Strong enough because I have to be not only for myself but also for my daughter. She has provided me with every reason to find hope, help, love, and support. Her light has inspired my voice, my drive, and my flame to reignite. She looks up to me just as I look up to her and together we have a bond unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
As Liana’s birthday (my rebirth day) approached, I couldn’t help but to reflect on the happenings of this last year.
Through everything, my family has been my lifeline. Time and time again they have continued to reach out a hand and support my heart. I don’t have enough words to express my gratitude towards all of the people who have offered an ear for me to spill my heart out to or a hand to help guide me or even just a kind word/phrase of encouragement.
If you battle with depression, you’re not alone.
I’ll say it again.
If you battle with depression-
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I’m here for you, I’m here with you, and you are irreplaceable.
Time to change the social norms and shake up the taboo around mental illness because unity is what can help to lift us up in the end.
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