To the parts of my body that I wish would change

To the toxic thoughts I often experience 

To the toxic society that implants images and ideas in our minds at such a young age


To the negativity 

To the discomfort 

To the illusion 

And to the phobias 

Laying in bed last night, I found myself touching different parts of my skin with a negative embrace. I would squeeze the skin and think “if only this would go away” or “how have I let myself go this badly”. 

No part of the touch was kind or loving. Instead it was filled with judgment and red hot anger. My mind immediately began to race with ideas of not eating for a couple days or  “rebalance”, as if starvation was a healthy alternative to acceptance.  

I’m exposing myself.

I’m uncovering the mental battles that I face daily because I know I’m not the only one who deals with these intrusive thoughts and ideas. 

When I woke up this morning and saw myself looking back, I had to face the reality of what happened last night. I let fears, unrealistic standards, and other people’s expectations disturb the view of my own self image. Almost as if it was the hand of society grabbing onto my skin rolls telling me that this is unacceptable and disgusting. 

Sometimes we try to fit ourselves into smaller boxes or smaller sizes than what our body actually calls for because we have this idea of what our partners or peers demand of us. When in reality those demands are mostly an illusion of the mind, a false image of what self worth actually means. 

Social media can play on both sides of this cultural movement. If you’re looking to be hard on yourself by comparing what you see to who you are, there is plenty of content out there. However, if you’re looking for the real and the raw and the vulnerably exposed humans who share their authenticity on the platform, you just have to look in the opposite direction. 

Showing up with compassion for yourself is a daily, sometimes hourly, practice. Often times we hold space for others to grow and change and morph while we hold judgement towards our own personal evolution.

Today when you put your hands on your body or look at yourself in the mirror, try to practice what we so often preach. 

Self love.

Happiness does not depend on an unhealthy/unobtainable image that we hold above ourselves.

You deserve just as much love and appreciation as the people you dish it out to. And no matter what you look like, you are beautiful and you are worthy. 

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