Something that I have found to be true about motherhood is that I am never truly prepared for the next phase, whatever that may be. And that blows my mind because I am surrounded by other moms and people who have walked in these shoes before me but still I feel unprepared. As if the information isn’t properly being passed down or maybe the experiences aren’t as parallel as I believed them to be, or perhaps the magnitude of the emotions felt during these shifts aren’t easily put into words.
In this case, the phase I’m currently entering is the journey of weaning.
I so badly wanted Liana to nurse for as long as she wanted to so she could eventually self wean. But as the months kept flying by, I caught myself getting more and more uncomfortable with that thought. I loved our time but I was ready to be done. So I made the call for us to phase out, which felt both easy and hard at the same time.
I guess since I had made the decision (instead of letting her do so) I thought that my body would just join my mental state and be “done”.
But that’s not at all the case.
We are almost 3 weeks in and I just now stopped making milk. With that comes waves of dizziness, endless nausea, dwindling appetite, loud emotions, and crazy hot flashes. I’ve been in a week long funk and for a couple of days had no idea what was going on. So I went digging on the internet to see if anyone experienced this because I hadn’t heard it from anyone around me. Of course I knew depression was common and that hormones go wild, but that’s a vague understatement.
I’m thankful to have found some articles from women who have felt a similar way, because with that comes validation.
Motherhood could be isolating.
Motherhood could also embody community.
And I guess there is not one without the other.