bodies

My confidence was once through the roof and I practiced/lived in undies or a bathing suit. I had no fears of showing off my body because I was comfortable and felt safe in my skin. I had cellulite, blemishes, lumps, fat, and imperfections but I didn’t focus on those things. 

Post-pregnancy is a whole different ball game. I have a hard time even posting just pictures of my face now. 

And why? 

Because I feel like this space has transitioned into more of a photo album for my daughter instead of my personal life. 

Because I focus way more on my imperfections than the beauties of this body. 

Because my confidence is the lowest it’s ever been. 

Because I feel like I’m not worthy of being seen; like I’m no longer safe to express the realities of being a woman. 

As a child bearing person, my body has gone through a handful of transformations. I’ve stretched this skin beyond what I thought was imaginable. I’ve gained weight to provide nutrients for a growing baby. I’ve given birth and tried to regulate hormones unsuccessfully. My breasts have grown and produced and deflated. I’ve lived in a state of fight or flight for years now, and that alone is enough to send the body into a confusing state of shock. 

I have neglected myself and lost sight of how beautiful I truly am. 

And while it’s hard to admit that, it’s even harder to face my reality. 

But here’s the thing: ALL BODIES ARE INCREDIBLE. 

I still have cellulite and blemishes and imperfections. My skin is a bit softer and my body stores fat in new places. My bone structure has changed and I will forever wear the birth of my child on my body, but I can now see the importance of shifting thoughts and recognizing beauty. Not only for my own confidence and sanity but for my daughter as well. 

We all deserve to grow up in a society where normal bodies are deemed beautiful. 



Keep reading >>

Descriptive

Out here in the dry salt flats of Nevada, time stands still. The air is thick and dust filled. I draw a line on the windshield of my car in the exact same spot everyday to watch how many layers of dust settle here. A lingering stench of what I would imagine a bag of…

Rapid Rebirth pt. 3

My daughter, Liana, arrived at 2:54 in the morning, on September 7, 2018, less than three hours from the start of contractions. According to the American Pregnancy Association, rapid labor is characterized by labor that can last as little as three hours, also known as precipitous labor. I had never heard of this term prior…

Rapid Rebirth pt. 2

“Matt, Matt, wake up. I think something’s happening,” I whispered as I hunched my nude body over the side of our bed. I was dropping in and out of reality, and riding this new awareness of sensation. I felt bones shifting, muscles contracting, and electrical impulses dancing up and down my spine. This shockwave was…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: