Surrendering

It never fails. 

I get Liana to sleep, curl up in bed next to her, and start asking myself the heavy questions that I try to avoid all day.

Am I doing enough?

Have I done right by her today?

Do you think she knows I love her?

Could I have changed the way I handled myself? 

What if something happens to me?

Am I setting her up for success?

Why did I eat that?

Why didn’t I carve out time to workout?

Why do I feel like my worth comes from my physical appearance?

Why can’t I let that go?

Do you think she senses my anxiety?

Is stress getting the best of me? 

Why can’t I do better for myself?

Did I remember to intentionally breathe today? 

Why do I choose to neglect what needs to be done to feel better?

And with reflection on those thoughts, it’s clear that my priorities have shifted. Most of my days are centered around caring for my daughter, so much so that I put my own mental health and physical health on the back burner. 

I’ve been trying hard to ask for help and seek out ways that I can do better for myself because ultimately I know that it will have a ripple effect on how I handle situations with Liana (and others). 

It’s not easy, being a mother.

However it is the most wonderful, sacred, eye opening experience I’ve ever known.

She is teaching me more than I ever thought I could learn.

About love, selflessness, selfishness, priorities, intentions, the way I communicate, the person I want to be, and surrendering.


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