It never fails. 

I get Liana to sleep, curl up in bed next to her, and start asking myself the heavy questions that I try to avoid all day.

Am I doing enough?

Have I done right by her today?

Do you think she knows I love her?

Could I have changed the way I handled myself? 

What if something happens to me?

Am I setting her up for success?

Why did I eat that?

Why didn’t I carve out time to workout?

Why do I feel like my worth comes from my physical appearance?

Why can’t I let that go?

Do you think she senses my anxiety?

Is stress getting the best of me? 

Why can’t I do better for myself?

Did I remember to intentionally breathe today? 

Why do I choose to neglect what needs to be done to feel better?

And with reflection on those thoughts, it’s clear that my priorities have shifted. Most of my days are centered around caring for my daughter, so much so that I put my own mental health and physical health on the back burner. 

I’ve been trying hard to ask for help and seek out ways that I can do better for myself because ultimately I know that it will have a ripple effect on how I handle situations with Liana (and others). 

It’s not easy, being a mother.

However it is the most wonderful, sacred, eye opening experience I’ve ever known.

She is teaching me more than I ever thought I could learn.

About love, selflessness, selfishness, priorities, intentions, the way I communicate, the person I want to be, and surrendering.

Keep reading >>


Out here in the dry salt flats of Nevada, time stands still. The air is thick and dust filled. I draw a line on the windshield of my car in the exact same spot everyday to watch how many layers of dust settle here. A lingering stench of what I would imagine a bag of…

Rapid Rebirth pt. 3

My daughter, Liana, arrived at 2:54 in the morning, on September 7, 2018, less than three hours from the start of contractions. According to the American Pregnancy Association, rapid labor is characterized by labor that can last as little as three hours, also known as precipitous labor. I had never heard of this term prior…

Rapid Rebirth pt. 2

“Matt, Matt, wake up. I think something’s happening,” I whispered as I hunched my nude body over the side of our bed. I was dropping in and out of reality, and riding this new awareness of sensation. I felt bones shifting, muscles contracting, and electrical impulses dancing up and down my spine. This shockwave was…

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