The season is changing and so am I.
Allow me to reintroduce story.
My name is Sami, short for Samantha.
I was born and raised in Parkland which is located in South Florida. My family was a tight unit up until around 2009 when shit hit the fan and life drastically changed. I moved out to a tiger preserve (@myrtlebeachsafari) days after I graduated high school and spent my time with new animals and new people.
About 6 months in I left to return home and quickly booked a plane ticket to Los Angeles to go stay with my cousin and her family.
There I found a job in the floral department of Whole Foods and made California my home for almost 2 years. That was my first taste of independence. I spent my time hiking, eating, smoking, and getting tattoos. And that was when I first ran out of money…. so back to Florida I went.
I lived with my sister on Jax beach for a bit while I stumbled for solid ground and worked my way up to Produce Buyer at Whole Foods. I thought for sure that was where I was going to work for the rest of my life.
Back to independent living with my own place and my own responsibilities which included yoga teacher training, tanning like a pro, and beach walks. In 2016, I met Matt and we decided pretty quickly that we were going to “escape” out of Florida (as if we were trapped or something).
I moved in with him in February of 2017 and we drove our pets and belongings out to Portland, Oregon in June. There we worked to establish ourselves in a brand new city. I transferred with Whole Foods and then quickly quit once I realized that it was not in fact what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Which is when I found the service industry and I found that serving people is actually what resonated best with me.
In Oregon I went started to explore a different brand of yoga called Kundalini yoga (which is very energetic, enthusiastic, and repetitive) and shortly after that found out I was pregnant.
Excitement quickly shifted to darkness and fear so I went on a yoga hiatus and tucked myself away into a cocoon. Nine rocky months later and liana is born and so am I.
Life bursted open at the seams around the time of birth. There was a shift that occurred which allowed me to see clearly. And truthfully, it was terrifying. I had allowed my voice, my strength, and my power to disappear into a codependent relationship. I was vulnerable, shaken, unsteady, and so very weak both physically and mentally. Emotionally I was a wreck. Now I not only had to face the reality of my truth, but I had to make changes for my daughter and I.
I went from independently loving new experiences and personal growth to fearing all change and clinging to control within a couple of years, and that was unsettling. It felt as if I was starting from the bottom once again and I was so ashamed of myself.
Looking back now I have a different perspective with a clear view. Starting from said “bottom” is just an illusion, it’s more like starting over with new experience. New goals and new ideas of how to rebuild. New visions for my future and the future of my family. New philosophies and new foundations of which to grow upon.
I went from wanting to be far away from my family, to wanting to be myself to explore new places with an unreasonable intimidation of women and their power and an unhealthy attraction to men and their power. To now, working with women to empower each other and pave the way for community, compassion, resilience, and growth.
I could consider living with my mom back at the bottom, or I can consider it a blessing. Women raising women. Tribes raising babies. Families sticking together.
I could view starting over in a new line of work as starting at the bottom, or I can be humbled by all of which I don’t know.
I could think of being back in Florida as a defeat, or I can be incredibly grateful to have a home base- somewhere to always return to.
And I could view myself in a negative light or I can turn the light on and see the beauty of this strong body, buzzing mind, and emotional intelligence that came with years of self discovery.
I am now a birth and postpartum doula, as well as a yoga instructor. Here to advocate for birthing people and unborn babies. Here to provide support, choices, foundation, and friendship during such a transformative life experience. I’m here to offer a guide into your yoga practice, physically and mentally. I’m here to take up space with you and encourage you to keep moving foreword into the unknown. Because what’s lying in the unknown is usually exactly what you need in life.
Leave a Reply